10 Signs That Your Church Has a Carnival Spirit Attached To It

10. The visiting evangelist has a booth in the foyer sanctified for the sale of his three hundred miracle handkerchiefs. (Paul the apostle was an idiot when he utilized hankies freely 2000 years ago. I mean, he could have really profited off the anointing and bought a house instead of renting one there at the end of his life. What a dummy.)

9. The visiting evangelist and your pastor charge admission (registration) fees for special conferences. (Depending on God via freewill offerings takes too much faith. Who wants to go through the agony of trusting El Shaddai when you can just charge a nice fee and then take up an offering or two or three? Let’s just keep living in our flesh, ministers…)

8. There’s a booth in the foyer reserved specifically for the sale of trinkets such as vials of Israeli holy water, Jesus key chains, Father flashlights, and Holy Ghost throat lozenges. (With these curios selling at 900% over cost, who can resist that profit margin?)

7. Your church has very profitable food and drink booths such as Starbucks, Donuts Delirious, and Pizza Plus. (Forget potlucks and fellowship: anything to make a buck, huh?)

6. There’s a Wolf Man in the pulpit or in the chief seats behind him or both. (He’s dressed like a posh sheep but you’ll know him by his favorite phrase: HOOOOOWWWILLMYJETRUNIFYOUDONTTITHEOFFYOURGROSSINCOME!!)

5. Every Sunday morning, there’s a couple fortune tellers waiting in a room upstairs. They’ll sell you the personal prophecy you crave for only $35.00. (The demand is so high for these predictive words, I guess it’s wise to profit off it.)

4. The church staff employs ballyhoo (sensationalized promotion) to get the word out about your great church. (Leaning on the Holy Ghost doesn’t work anymore because He’s just too slow nowadays. I guess He’s getting older…)

3. Subsequent to the preaching you can see the Headless Bride for an admission price. (Just look around you during the post-sermon offering; most people are not disciples of the Head of the Church, Jesus. They’re just an audience at a show. Are you one of them?)

2. Most everyone in the audience has been attending the carnalval so long they know how to swallow a sword without getting hurt. (They never let the Word of God really penetrate and pierce their hearts. If they did, the pain of repentance and sanctification would produce much fruit.)

1. Jesus is no longer preached as the Lord Our Righteousness, the holy King of kings, or the Lion of Judah. Instead He’s Jesus the Clown, ready at the visiting minister’s will to produce a spectacular show of oil stigmata, blue sapphire dust, and/or gemstones falling from heaven through the ceiling and onto the floor right under your chair. (What a grievous sideshow we’ve now allowed in the name of Spirit freedom.)

Lord, You’re not a clown, although some things that we say, do, and believe make You out to be. I ask that You send a fire to consume false doctrine and practices in River churches, and all churches. I love You, Truth of truth and Head of Your River. Amen.

The following my heart screams “fake, not God, not God!”:

http://www.filmbaby.com/films/2150