Jesus Takes Note of 2008 Christian Dove Awards
May 1, 2008
An usher at the 2008 Christian Dove Awards claims that Jesus Christ appeared to him during the show, whispering things that some Dove recipients may find offensive. The usher, 55-year-old Jack Treblor, said that Jesus “just materialized out of thin air and started talking. I knew it was Him because He showed me His scars, plus I felt this holy and awesome peace while in His presence. I also sensed a great humility about Him that made me feel perfectly complete yet absolutely thirsty for more of Him. Really, He was Humility itself, I might say.”
According to Mr. Treblor, Jesus stated the following and then vanished:
“I have a Dove Award that I’ll be giving out someday soon in Heaven. It’ll go to Ernesto, a ten-year-old Brazilian street child who lives and works in a city garbage dump. Sick for some time now, he’ll die from a mixture of hepatitis and tuberculosis in just under eight days. While in this dump last year, Ernesto saw a discarded Christian publication that had pictures of the Passion in it. As the Spirit convicted him of sin, righteousness, and judgment, he promptly repented, asked Me for My lordship and friendship, and began following Me. Every day since then he’s talked to Me, and recently he began singing to Me when things get super tough. No one taught him how to pray and praise; he just does it as his heart purposes and the Spirit helps him. The song he composed and sings to me nightly when he’s cold, confused, and lonely goes like this:
“Just last night, Ernesto sang this song to Me, and this morning he arose from his cardboard-box home full of My presence. After he found and ate breakfast (a rotten apple and two dirty crackers), I used him to tell another street child of Me. This seven-year-old, Chito, also repented of his sins and is now a beloved and honored member of My household. But oh how Ernesto’s singing brings Me joy. Truly I say to you, he sings louder and more beautifully than any you see here. For they compose, record, and receive earthly music and monetary rewards out of their surplus, but he, out of his deep poverty, composes and sings only for the reward of My fellowship.”
Convicted by the supposed visitation, Mr. Treblor has vowed never to work the Dove Awards again: instead he is making plans to move to Brazil in July and start an orphanage. “Humility spoke to me loudly and clearly that night, and I must speak back,“ he told a Charisma Magazine interviewer yesterday. “I’ve had enough of furthering fleshly, man-glorifying awards that will rust and fade away. Haven’t you?”
(Note: this is a form of satire. However, much of it is probably very true…)
